The Romance IQ of a Boy... Hint: It's Zero.

Zero

In looking back at my own life and in studying the hundreds of boys I have helped raise, I am convinced that we men are as dumb as a rock when it comes to relationships.

I am not exaggerating when I say that some men are in their early thirties before they even begin to figure out how relationships are supposed to work.

In fact, some of us are in our fifties and still trying to figure it out.

Girls, on the other hand, seem to be born with a clearer idea regarding the way things are supposed to work. Let a group of middle school girls have a sleepover and they will stay up all night talking about the boys they like, why they like them, what it would be like to be married to them, and what they might name their children.

Let a group of middle school boys have a sleepover and they might stay up all night talking about how pretty this girl is or that girl is. However. they are much more concerned with seeing who will fall asleep first so they can put his hand in a cup of warm water to make him pee on himself. 

When those same two groups get together six or seven years later, the girls will be talking about how they want to raise a family while the boys will be talking about their latest sexual conquest.

Men, we just don’t get it when it comes to understanding relationships.

The Time I Caught Them Rating Girls

One of the funniest things I’ve ever heard was one night at the ranch when two of the boys did not know I was awake. I stood outside their bedroom door and listened as they lay in bed and had a “boy” conversation.

One of them would name a girl from school and the other would rate her with his best imitation of a car motor revving up. Some girls would get a “rhmmmm rhmmmmmm” and others would get a “putt putt." For the really pretty girls, they would make the sound of tires squealing.

After I had a good laugh I finally opened the door and called out my wife’s name. She got the best rating available – a race car at the drag strip. If I had been eavesdropping on a couple of girls they would have probably been talking about wedding dresses and what it's like to have a guy say “I love you."

Boy Romance vs. Girl Romance

I am not saying that boys don’t have feelings related to girls. They certainly have feelings. They just don’t do a good job interpreting those feelings. A boy will get a nervous stomach and weak knees when he sees a girl that he finds particularly attractive. The problem is that he has no idea why he’s feeling that way.

Girls, on the other hand, I believe, have the same sort of funny feelings but they understand better what it means. When boys start dating they are concerned about whether or not they will get a kiss. They have no idea why that is important.

To them it is more like keeping score at a ballgame. Girls, on the other hand, will interpret the kiss in terms of what it means to the relationship. Boys have a tendency to want to triumph and this often means they want to date multiple girls. While the girls are looking for love the boys are looking for respect.

Boys are like little goats climbing to the top of a hill. Once they get there, their main concern is to head-butt any other goats who may try to climb the hill. The problem is that boys do not yet realize that the respect they are longing for needs to come from one special girl.  After all, in their mind, would it not be better to have four or five girls respecting you than to have just one? Boys just don’t get it.

The Time I Had Two Girlfriends... Both Named Lori

One of my most embarrassing and regretful moments of all times came when I graduated from high school. I was dating two girls at the same time. They knew about each other so I was not being dishonest. I actually thought it was the Christian thing to do since I was being totally honest with them... I told you I was dumb. They were both named Lori so that was convenient but it was not convenient when they both showed up at my house after my high school  graduation.

Just to show you how dumb boys can be, I actually thought they enjoyed hanging out together – just the three of us. We even went for a walk in the park together. Shortly thereafter both of them dumped me and I have not seen nor heard from either of them again.

When my daughter became a teenager I started thinking about the Lori’s and it broke my heart..  Both were really sweet, wonderful Christian young ladies and to this day I hold them in high regard but if I ever do see them I owe them both a big apology.

My relationship IQ was in the low to dysfunctional range at the time but nobody bothered to tell me.

Moms and Dads, do your sons a favor.

Have a heart to heart talk with your dumb boy and see if you can increase his relationship IQ before he does something he'll regret for the rest of his life.

Scott Hilton

TMD Contributing Writer